More homage to Mr Kermode, but this time for the worst 5 games I have played this year – and bear in mind I PAID MONEY FOR THESE.
Same rules apply.
* The game has to have been released between January 2011 and September 2011.
* The game cannot be a remake. Otherwise it would be pretty boring Nintendo re-releases, and we don’t want that.
* It has to have been released in PAL regions.
* Paid DLC will not count.
So, what’s got my goat so far this year then?
I can’t really say much about this – when Flagship Studios went down a few years ago, this Diablo-alike was left behind and sold on to HanbitSoft, a Korean company who have turned it into an unfunny and very awkward MMO experience. It’s not clever, or charming, it’s just crap.
And it took them this long to get it out is surprising – some people reformed after Flagship went down and have since released their own Diablo-alike.
That game is Torchlight. Mythos is absolutely nothing in comparison.
4) Hyperdimension Neptunia
I am a massive JRPG fan, so that this graces my list is a bit of a surprise.
It’s not that it’s technically a terrible game – it just… tries too hard to be clever. Set in a world ruled by consoles and full of the most cliche of Anime and Game tropes, it’s a simple and rough game that tries to aim for some kind of higher purpose. And yet, the storytelling is vague and bland. Which is a serious fail in any JRPG. I lost interest, and when you consider I still regard Martian Gothic: Unification as a valid entry into the survival horror genre, you’ll understand how bad something has to be to make me lose interest and not care about finishing it.
It’s sexist, racist and just downright stupid. It’s a JRPG that perhaps should have stayed in Japan. We really didn’t need this – after all, we’ve got Tales of Vesperia on XBLA now for £15!
3) Dragon Age 2
This game makes me feel physically ill. How BioWare, a company with more polished hits under its belt than any other, thought they could foist this pile of utter garbage on us is anyone’s guess. It’s technically not tight enough; trick out your mage right and it can solo anything you throw at it. The copy-paste maps, the awful dialogue and reuse of actors from Origins and that they released a fantastic DLC to this which THEY CUT OUT FROM THE ORIGINAL RELEASE are all key points. But let me level this with you; as someone who enjoys a bit of manlove, the constant nodding and winking that your male companions would like very much to get their hands on your Staff of Magical Elevation was way out of line.
For a while, I figured it may have been me. But now, I think it was put in there deliberately, and they handle the topic of homosexuality so badly it makes Michael Bay look like Stephen Spielberg. And of course, this is before they commit the absolute cardinal sin of child abuse and pedophilia – yes, the game has you chase down a man who, the game makes quite clear, is a pedophile. If that doesn’t leave a nasty taste in your mouth, you have a much stronger pallette than I do.
It’s an awful game and BioWare should be ashamed of putting this on the market. It’s half-arsed, half-baked, had so much cut out and then they left in sensationalist stuff done really badly. Just a bad game.
2) Hole In The Wall
It’s a Kinect game, based on THAT awful TV show. Make shapes as an imaginary wall makes its way towards you. And… umm… that’s it. I don’t mind Kinect games – there is fun to be had on it – but in the TV show if you failed you’d at least fall into water and look a right tit. Throw in technical issues, failing to recognise your actual height and width as well as having tantrums with lighting as well and you have a game that is 800 points too much. At 800 points. It’s not worth it, trust me, you’re better off steering clear of this. And for the love of all that is sacred and holy, do NOT YouTube ANY clips of this show… the amount of times a very very overweight person squeezed into a skintight lycra jumpsuit on that show beggars belief. You’re better off never exposing yourself to it, this or ANYTHING to do with Hole In The Wall. It died as a BBC Teatime show for a good reason…
It was shit.
1) Dungeons and Dragons: Daggerdale
Worse than all of the above combined and multiplied by a hundred, and unless someone really screws up this year this is set to 100% be my worst game of the year by a country mile. Which it would still take seven days to cover.
Daggerdale was buggy. Slow. Rushed. Boring. Painful. Awful. Terrible. Oh GOD MAKE IT STOP MAKE THE NASTY GAME GO AWAY MUMMY!
It’s hard to put your finger on why this game is so bad as it is a cavalcade of absolute horse manure on silver platters. Everything about it technically, narratively, in its design and execution, the quests, the items, the online co-op and the enemy swarms – it’s all bad. Every single piece of it is just badly done.
It’s in a package, with some utterly contemptible responses from Bedlam Games over the state of the game as it was, made a bad game unforgivable. They didn’t care. Atari didn’t care. No-one cared. And so it remained buggy, broken, unplayable and one of the worst games of the year – if not one of the worst games to be released in many years.
The only two good things about this game – one, Bedlam Games no longer exists, and therefore that threatened second D&D game is gone. Phew. And secondly, Atari are having the D&D rights stripped from them, which is… actually not a bad idea in all honesty. They have done nothing with them for years and when they do rush something out, this is what they do? Ugh. I’d look for a new home for it too.
It’s bad. Never go near this game. EVER!
Agree? Disagree? You have the floor now.