June 29, 2022

So, I just finished Gears of War 3…

… no joke.

And I suppose, if I’m going to be brutally honest here, it IS technically speaking the best game in the series. That’s probably not a surprise. Nor is it that in some way, I enjoyed it. Will I go back? Hmm. That’s an interesting question. I can’t answer that one yet. Watch this space.

I would like to give the scriptwriters of this game a knuckle sandwich though. Cheap cop-outs, unexplained story branches and more embarrassing one-liners than should be considered healthy under ANY condition, narratively this game is terrible, rushed and has holes the size of a small planet.

It’s also buggy as hell for me. I’ve had multiple issues of low-res textures and odd little quirks, like wallks being made of thin air and lambent taking a skydive through the floor and falling from the sky (NOW you’re thinking with Portals!). It’s also the easiest game in the series if you exploit a couple of quirky weapon mechanics.

But if this is the end, what now? The main story arc is, at least, concluded in a reasonably watertight finale, but there are lots of story arcs still to explore and a lot of unanswered questions left to be filled in, so I wouldn’t be surprised – much like the Halo franchise – to now start seeing some spin-offs to try and keep it going.

But it should end here. It just should. Epic at least finished the main story, but I can’t see this even for them being more than a poisoned chalice now. There will be the expectation of those spin-offs and demands to expand the trilogy with more games. But can they actually satiate the fanbase? It’s unlikely. They can’t tie up the story branches, too many for that – may as well make a novel for that really. They can’t continue the war – the ending sees paid to that idea.

So yes, it’s short. I clocked in six hours. That by my count is just over £6 per hour. Oh well. It’s been nice to see Epic make a Gears that doesn’t offend my senses, but this is where it must end.

It should end. Epic has plenty of talent. Don’t milk this one dry… the fans won’t thank you for it.


I'm the big cheese here. Comment, subscribe, direct waves of hate at me - all the same. Just hope you've had some partial enjoyment here!

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