I Am Now Moved! So, what did I miss?

Concrete Block. What?

Finally putting the finishing touches on a troubled house move. Seems I missed a fair few shenanigans!

If there’s one problem with moving home, it’s that you are insulated from the media for a while as everything is rearranged and set up and activated. That said, if there’s one blessing with the business of moving home, it’s that you are insulated from the media for a while as everything is rearranged and set up and activated.

So it has been the last few weeks whilst I set up shop in my new home; a lovely little flat in a nice sleepy little corner of my town. There’s been some work to do; carpets needed laying (I haven’t had carpet on the floor of a place since I was a student!), a bedroom painted a bright neon shade of pink needed to be cleansed of Aqua’s Barbie Girl, in a ritual that involved a little Death Metal, one or two chickens (readas; KFC buckets, the only acceptable payment a couple of my mates will accept!) and three coats of Dulux Once (yes, I know that’s excessive, but seriously, it took three coats to destroy the pink!). And my PC’s PSU exploded. Must have taken a hell of a knock in transit. Which is a shame, but woo for friends and siblings for clubbing together to get a new one!

So, things I missed. Let’s run down a list.

Peter Molyneux getting a critical grilling by the press over Godus.

I know this caused a spike in my traffic; I said years ago that his leaving Godus before it was even remotely finished or feature-packed was sort of a given, but some people really did need to learn the hard way and none more so than the gaming press (more on this in a bit, of course). Peter Molyneux has been for some time given a free pass, despite almost twenty years of over-promising and under-delivering, sometimes to an embarrassing degree. His rhetoric is as tired and predictable as it is possible to find; his old project sucked, it was so hard, so difficult, but his new one is SO much better than that one and it has a raft of features that will make it awesome. Rinse. Repeat. It’s kind of dull now.

Still, it’s worth pointing out to the press that some of us were saying this back when Godus was being KickStarted. I’d parade around wearing nothing but a Ms. World-style sash with the words “Kami Was Right!” printed on it, but at this point it was like predicting the obvious anyway. Still, the amount of criticism from ALL sides of the press was scathing and brutal – and miiiiiiiiight look a little bit like bullying. Be careful gaming press people. People like Mr. Molyneux do need critical analysis, but so many dozens of gaming websites gleefully swooping in to denounce the guy is shady as hell. Did you guys learn NOTHING from the mess of #GamerGate?

And that said…

That Law and Order: SVU Episode.

Christ on a seventies moped, where do we go with this one?

Clearly it was satire, right? I mean, no sensible, sane human being could have actually been involved with that steaming pile of hysteria-driven hyperbole right? It was a genuine embarrassment. When someone like Mark Kern turns around and claims it’s set back the games industry twenty years, you have gone way too far. The episode, called “The Intimidation Game”, was the new-age equivalent of something like Reefer Madness. Utterly preposterous. Incredibly asinine. And terribly, indisputably damaging to gamers and the games industry as a whole. Full of ancient stereotypes, tropes and cliches and riddled with rhetoric pulled from Google, it was just toe-curling and embarrassing.

But those Google quotes? Yeah. Seems quite a few of them came from websites that have video game coverage. The same websites that spent time condemning the episode for missing the point, or being an unfair representation. Seemingly obliviously unaware that it was themselves who created the hyperbolic situation which led to this special SVU episode being conceived in the first place, and whose own coverage is actually quite fairly represented in the episode I feel. Man, ignorance must be such bliss for these people, right? The dinosaurs are watching the meteor coming and going, “Ooooooh, shiny!”

Seriously games press, Kern is right. It’s YOUR FAULT that SVU episode was ever a real thing. And as for now turning on the developers – you chaps do that in the gaming press. You’re already getting less ad revenue because tons of gamers are ad-blocking or boycotting your sites. Go right ahead and bite the hand that feeds you and ensures you actually have a job, the big developers and publishers whose existence you depend on to actually remain relevant in a changing sea of YouTube stars.

I may be neutral, but seriously, you don’t have to be on a side to know that this is a TERRIBLE IDEA.

New Nintendo 3DS. I have a big problem with it.

I love new hardware and despite blowing my rainy-day fund on moving, I made sure I had a little set aside for my New Nintendo 3DS. I’m sorry, but I’m an old Pokémon hand and I couldn’t really help myself.

It’s mostly nice enough; I don’t think it’s a magic jump some claim it to be, the screen is a little more crystalline but the 3D Effect can still be easily broken even with the new camera-tracking technology. But I have a gigantic issue with the basic design of the 3DS, and it’s such that I might actually go as far as saying it’s slightly ruined the New 3DS for me. And that issue is the natural resting angle of the 3DS top-screen.

Some of us, especially those of us who lie in bed for protracted periods or sit around in a wheelchair or on a hospital bed waiting for something, rest the 3DS at an angle a little over the 90-degree point. On the old 3DS, this natural and sensible angle locked into place and was pretty much stable and solid and didn’t have any discernible movement. The New 3DS, at the same angle, has a noticable wobble to it. There’s a five-degree looseness to this placement which frankly is somewhat depressing considering how stable and solid the old one was, and to mess up what is frankly the most natural angle for the 3DS to rest at is somewhat insulting and offensive to me.

Sorry Nintendo, but that’s a pathetic design flaw your QA team should have spotted a mile away. When you are so good so often at the basic sturdiness of the 3DS, the New 3DS just feels a little cheap and tacky on the outside with that noticeable screen wobble when open. This is clearly a rush job and it’s cost you brownie points on the build quality.

Give it a few months and Nintendo will no doubt have to recall some of these units. Still, at least we can look forward to a proper account system soon so all you have to do is send people new ones without any excess hassle, right Nintendo?

RIGHT?!

Both Sonic Boom games sold 490,000 combined.

Some might say this is because they were on the 3DS/Wii U. But even if they weren’t, I’d like to remain of the world-view that the reason these games sold so poorly was they were insulting piles of turgid dog-waste that anyone with a brain cell to call their own would have avoided by simply seeing them wrapped up in BANDAGES!

Sega, seriously, stop this. You will never fix Sonic by throwing the baby out with the bathwater in each iteration. Look at what works, look at what people LIKE in your game, and use those key points as the foundation to build on newer features. Eventually, you’ll end up with a solid base to bounce even the most crazy and wacky stuff off of. with a core experience refined and honed because you built on good, tried-and-tested ideas and mechanics.

You know… like the Mario series does. Slow down and seriously take a look at your rival once in a while. You might learn something important.

Asteroids rebooted as an MMO (from the guys of The WarZ debacle).

Nope. Got nothing. This is so stupid my brain isn’t going to dignify this with a joke. It’s already hilarious as it stands.

BAFTA Game Awards snub Bayonetta 2.

And that’s another year I call the BAFTA Game Awards completely and utterly irrelevant. Especially when they have the bare-faced cheek to nominate Assassins Creed: Unity for Best Artistic Achievement – cheek the characters probably could have done with on launch really.

Rather like the gaming press, I somewhat find their obliviousness to how wrong this is kinda quaint. But it’s still disgraceful.

Zelda TV Series being put together by Netflix.

Actually, I might be one of the few who think the Zelda franchise could make a great little TV series. If you think about it, the Zelda timeline is sorted into different ‘eras’, comprised of a set of stock characters continually reborn into a perpetual cycle, and that’s a Doctor Who-style regeneration notion that could make each series significantly different to the last. Of course, can’t imagine it will be all Game of Thrones (for families), but you know, it’s certainly got a chance. It just needs the right cast and decent actors.

And that’s going to be a real challenge when the standard character designs are so iconic and set by this point.

The Runescape SWATTING.

Please don’t do this. I know everything has to be “EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEME!” these days, but surely there’re better ways than endangering peoples lives and wasting thousands of dollars of tax-payer money in the process?

And I think that covers most of the key stuff.

Anyway, I’m still sorting things out but will blog again soon about stuff. This whole moving thing has knocked the wind out of my sails a bit, but I’ll try and focus on something soon.

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