July 3, 2022

So, I Will Need To Speak.

I think I’m going to need to talk about some of this stuff. But whilst I hunt around for the kit, here’s some typed words about me moving into audio blogging.

I’d like to say I am doing this because I saw the light of Twitch and YouTube and stuff.

The sad reality is, however, I am not doing it for that. I have never really given a flying toss in the coldest, sweatiest armpits of Hades back-alleys about traffic and I’m not about to change that viewpoint because I’ve never been about popularist opinion. Sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes it’s hard things that need to be said. I never started blogging to make friends; I started because ultimately, I wanted to have a place to empty the contents of my mind.

But it’s no secret that content has become sporadic; extensive periods of paresthesia and regular episodes of acute pain have been making it harder and harder for me to type, and when I do want to type, my body isn’t reacting the way I want it to. I could continue to struggle on through the physical limitations of what is happening to my body, but let’s be honest here. At some point, my nervous system is going to get a lot less co-operative and I’d rather like another means to get the contents of my head out into my blog than sitting down hoping my fingers are co-operating with my brain that day.

Of course, some of you might be asking the other question; how does one continue to “game”, when their arms and hands aren’t quite as reliable as they used to be?

That’s an excellent question, and the answer is… well, with some difficulty, actually. I make no secret that the idea of even temporary paralysis is terrifying to me; I hate myself at the best of times about the most inane and stupid things, but I can often rationalise most of them away after years of extensive mental training. This isn’t something I can magically make go away with the power of my mind; this is a thing, it’s a real and tangible thing and I need to learn to deal with it in a way that works for me.

But I have had enough of the struggle, and like any good Dark Souls fan, it’s not really in my nature to wave the white flag in surrender. When faced with an insurmountable challenge… do anything. Glitch the patrol pathing. Rain arrows from on high where things can’t reach you. Overlevel the content and power your way through – progress is everything, and finding ways around each problem is what makes us tick.

In my case, it’s quite fortunate that the alternative isn’t exactly revolutionary. It’s always been there – and perhaps more than most, I could have done this ages ago if I wasn’t so terrified about my slight lisp (from a fall ages ago; I’d love to say there’s some amazing story about a fight, but sadly I just got caught off-balance one time at the top of some stone steps and landed on my chin. And yes, it bloody hurt, as you’d expect it to!). I’ve left it a little late in the day to do this, I guess.

But if it means more regular blogging content, I’m happy to have people take the piss out of my voice and my lisp. The alternative is to hire someone to type for me and dictate my words to them, and frankly I’m not nearly rich enough to start pulling that crap.

I still haven’t got a full idea of what the hell I will be doing, and I’ll likely have to invest in the kit in the coming weeks and months until I find things that work.┬áBut as a bit of a geek, the idea of investing in new hardware is… well, it’s appealing. Perhaps a little too appealing.

I’ll see what I can pull off in the coming week or two. Bear with me, because this is going to be super weird for me to start with… do you have to listen to yourself as feedback for this, because I gotta tell you, this is WEIRD…

That QI Speech Jam thing weird.


I'm the big cheese here. Comment, subscribe, direct waves of hate at me - all the same. Just hope you've had some partial enjoyment here!

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